how can you be so cruel
and say I'm everything you were looking for
everything you could ask for
everything you wanted
and more.
and then change your mind
like it never meant anything
like I was nothing
like you don't respect me
and you dont' value me
and your heart is not breaking
like mine is
into a tiny pieces
that have been glued together before
so many band aids
lead to sad days
and insecurities
and its hard to believe
what anyone says
I want to hear the words
I love you
I want you
you're the best
but do I believe them?
when someone can change their mind
at the drop of a hat
making me feel on top of the world one day
and then crush beneath it the next
my tear stained cheeks
can not erase
the memories that haunt me
the pain the cuts through me
the pounding disbelief in my chest
that I have to give up
on you and me
that I have to give up
on fairy tales
that I have to give up
believing that a miracle could save us.
trying to decide
if its you
if its me
or if its both and not meant to be
I never wanted to be the one
to be the bridge to your
next true love
thats supposed to be me
why couldn't you see that
why couldnt you see yourself
as I did
why couldn't you see
that I would have never given up on you
that I'm not her
that life could be so brilliant
if you'd only let it be
now I love you
and I hate you
in the same breath
so confused, frustrated, and disapointed
do you know how much I hurt?
is that why you're quiet
why you dont' talk
why you dont' write
except to say maybe one line
to talk to me like I am a business transaction
a stranger
a bus driver
the taxi driver
a nobody, a passerby
instead of the person who loved you
and that you were so afraid to love back
I'm a good person
I don't understand you
even though I try
I can't see the truth
or what is lies
or denials
of what was, what is, and what could have been.
who knows.
how could you be so cruel
and then say we should be friends
but not even treat me like a friend
and I am here all alone
with a black void in my heart
where the hope was
and the breeze blows through it
and cuts me so deep
that I can't even breathe
or see through my tears
And it pisses me off
that you probably never shed one tear
for me
while I could cry rivers for you
why am I so cruel to me
to let you make me feel this way
to let one person allow me to feel so broken
to let one person decide my happiness
I wanna scream
and shake you
and make you see inside of me
everything from beginning to end
what you had, what you missed out
and what a part of me has died for.
And I feel so stupid.
Because I miss you so much.